Make Like a Tree

He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree….(from “How He Loves”, David Crowder Band)

Wow, did I need to hear that song today. It’s been a hard week. In every way, all around. Big problems to solve. Big disappointments to face. Big things to forgive. Most importantly, Big lessons to learn.

I’ve got a LOT on my ptree-in-fieldlate, as I usually do. I kind of like my life that way–I certainly never get bored!–but it wears me out sometimes. This was one of those times. Too many questions, a way-too-long To Do list and many as-yet-unanswered prayers. I asked for prayers of encouragement at church today because I’m so weary of trying to spin plates, of waiting, and of striving to keep everyone around me happy. Then I heard that song.

It was a much needed reminder of just how much God loves me. I said…Just How Much. Beyond my comprehension, actually. I have a hard time wrapping my head around it most of the time. I have moments, but I’m not quite there yet. Like us all, I have not had a lot of experience with being loved unconditionally. There always seems to be something else required of me in the mix. And it seems I often disappoint myself, and others (ugly stuff!).

But, with God it’s different. So different. He loves like no one in this world can. All I heard in my head during that song was “I will not let you fall”. He will not let me fall. No matter how tired I get, the ugly emotions I let take over my mind, the lessons I have not learned yet, the actions I don’t take and the words I don’t say when I know I should. He loves me in such a BIG way (like a hurricane!) and He is patient as this little tree learns to let that love rain down on me, overtake me–knock me down, even, sometimes. I don’t get that kind of grace from anyone else, and I can’t really expect to. We’re not capable of it, but He is.

So, I got a sketchbook this afternoon and let all that I have pressing down on me out onto the paper. Just brain-dumped it all. It’s a LOT. And I don’t know what to do about most of it. But He’s got me, I know it. He will not let me fall. When I stay in the center of that amazing, huge, powerful hurricane. Stay in the eye, where it’s always the calmest. And let Him love me as only He can.

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